Category: Creativity

She Saw Him First

Hi everyone! Try to decipher the duality I refer to throughout this story. It will make complete sense…both ways!

In university, I was fervently attached to impermanence and how it spoke to love and the meaning of life. My creative process started with a blank canvas, although it did not have to be canvas, it could have been anything.

Definition: Complete; sheer.

Purpose: To feel everything; to be whole. 

And with that, I commenced. Commenced a process of removing completeness; commenced a process of covering up visibility – to reveal something different. I utilized a very special skill set that I have discovered and use fervently today.

What is this very special skill set you ask?

I’m not sure, you tell me.

Identity?

I am simple. I am me. I am beauty in everything. I am everywhere you need to be.

Pushing down non-artistic capabilities; denying intellectual understandings. It was easier to pretend that I didn’t have drive, than to begin the self-exploration required to achieve bigger and better things. I hated that I lacked moral support. I loathed that I was just an ‘artist’. If only I had been shown empathy and was equipped with real world survival skills, everything could have been so different.

Thus, laziness could be defined as such –

Everything should be unique. The space-time continuum moves forward and does not evaluate past failures, previous motivations or work.

My struggle with identity began as a young woman. I felt completely transparent and to make matters worse, my mom would try to help me by uncovering my supposed weaknesses – piano, French, public speaking, pretty much everything. I just wasn’t at the receiving end. I did not know how to define it or how to get there with her help or by myself. So, where did this laziness come from? Was it genetic? By the time it would have mattered (from high school to university) my mom did not have the energy or input abilities to output my success on top of everything she was dealing with (likely mental health issues and more severe complexities). She struggled with many things, and so I struggled with the same. So is that it? I was lazy to take care of my mom? Growing up was about resisting and playing, if safe.

We both lived in fear.

Fear of being; fear of leaving.

Fear is weakness. Be passionate. Be real. Be able to tackle everyday things with insight, knowledge and strength. Who I am today.

The past can come back to haunt us, but we choose to live in the present. We must.

Who remembers the wallpaper in their baby bedroom? Who recalls the vibrant tones of shag rugs in every ‘box’ throughout the house – intense violet, indiscernible mustard, Oscar the Grouch green, rusty red and so on and so forth. Do these memories matter? Yes and yes!

Definition: He has a green body, no visible nose, and lived in a trash can.

Purpose: To love my body, my style and the way I write. 

Outcome: Writing is code, it is a system we are creating for ourselves and more importantly, for others.

Who recalls bubblegum pink mohair, fresh brand T-shirts from The Body Shop or Le Chateau. Things have changed so much in fashion; things have changed so much in our world.

We are united, we are technological. We are happy and we are digital. 

Really?

Yup, listen to me. I still need to figure out how to convert everything! How do I realistically explain our digital way of being? Not there yet. It will come.

Rewind.

In university, I obsessed over process to the point where I think it became my source of envy. I didn’t understand how he (Bradley Harms, artist, Calgary, AB) could make prints nothingly-ly.

How did he do that?!

I do not know; I am so worried.

Are you sure?

Listen, at the time, my inner artist screamed. It didn’t matter that I was making things with my own hands or that I was taking things that were already whole, erasing them and reconstructing a sort of murder scene using Exs and Ohs. It didn’t matter that I was mapping. Or napping even. What mattered is that I could have turned out. What mattered is that my mom loved my art. But it wasn’t enough. It will never be enough until I succeed!

I was meditating, frowning worries and heartaches away from medicated pens and BIC Wite-Out. In my mind, I was substantiating Gilles Deleuze…and I quote:

“Writing has nothing to do with meaning. It has to do with land surveying and cartography, including the mapping of countries yet to come.” ― Gilles Deleuze

Definition: The technique, profession, and science of determining the terrestrial or three-dimensional positions of points and the distances and angles between them.

Purpose: There is already a movie about language saving the world. It’s called Arrival. Can we really still cure cancer with letters? Bubble letters at that (Blocks speaking of Bubble + Blocks, Calgary, AB, 2005)? This was my original thesis, you see.

Outcome: Today, I do not know the answer or I am tired. That is the thing with Global Comprehension. It involves too many things. The only sure thing I’m certain of is, I will be the one to figure it out and communicate it to the masses. Just wait and see! 

Mapping the continuum can spark regret; so better focus on real world debacles.

This is already occurring.

I am something out there.

As per Greenpeace.

My trek is long and arduous.

Bold and filled with assumption.

What matters however, is living continually knowing that I am loved and spectacular.

And must I reiterate. No thanks.

All of this work transmutes the power of love and the power of regression through ignorance.  Still, we get tired of things. Always.

They all say: she is trying to objectify life; she is avoiding subjectivity.

The beauty is in interpretation!

Thanks to you, Chonie (my mom with depths greater than the sea).

❤

The Homeless Men

Hi everyone! Sometimes you just have to use  an expert’s voice!

I shall embark on this challenge to pull myself out of slumber…yet again, my God I know.

(Seth Godin’s challenge consisted of 100 blog posts a day – this story is a post about x amount of homeless men having one conversation with me the expert. Can you identify them?)

TODAY

My vigor is lost and it must be reinstated. So, here goes two months-ish of creative and technical credit. Perhaps some continuation of Daisy’s adventures in. Or should I say, at Elevententeen? Some free photos, you know. For days when I’m feeling too lazy. And what about samples of graphic art? Is there anything else worth more? I’ve been developing at the rate of a rabbit, gosh darn it!

I’ve been introduced to a multitude of applications, which seem to be more about bunnies reproducing. Interesting? Practice. And concepts (of principles and ideations). It’s effective. This is the glory of creation! Making things to build things; systems to make duties simpler (they do that though). I will also be throwing in my work (templates, sales documents and the sort), which I may add, are becoming more and more succinct every day. La la. So keep working, they’re supposed to evolve and eventually become fit!

2 DAYS PRIOR

I am still testing things out and I’m not really sure insight selling is working. Or maybe it’s eating eggs Benedict and strawberry covered waffles 4 x per week. But maybe it is? I will give it another year or so to see. Theoretically, it should take minutes to develop. Sort of like walking away. If you are telling me you’re in, that’s what I’m saying! And, I’m sorry if I come across negatively, it’s my army suit and optimism. Let’s start one thing, here goes something! It all dissolved as soon as I weighed myself and saw the dreaded number I was ever so in denial about.

MAKE SOMETHING EVERYDAY does not equal to EAT WHATEVER YOU PLEASE. Seriously though, it’s funny but it’s not.

The outcome of this assignment will be –

  • Improved voice in messaging
  • Happier disposition
  • Greater appreciation of my worth

PS – My intention with this post was to work on said skills above, but it is now (August 15, 2019) to express the right in the right should the right come through. What I mean to say is: Universe, you sure throw a lot of coincidences and happy lookin’ faces my way. Is there a proprietary patent pending that I’ve developed, developing? Sunshine and 80s music all the way? Ya expert, that’s the outcome/result of you going on a diet!

It commenced on December 4, 2019. I had crashed. Tired and done with my STEEZ. I just wanted to change absolutely everything about my life. It had felt like everything that could have possibly went wrong did. And everything about myself and my surroundings was suffering. Failing relationships. Wandering marriage. So, on that fateful day I told my husband of said suffering and he booked an appointment with my doctor and specialist. In the specialist appointment I was instructed to start a chart, so he built one for me in Excel and put it on my phone. The next step was the one I had been dreading for the past year – you have to weigh yourself Chon. And that was it. The end of it. The end of my demise. The end of my ignorance and futility. So, since then I am now on a lifelong mission, to actually commit to the most important thing anyone can do – to be happy and healthy.

This is, creative writing. Delving into the unknown, because you know it like the back of your hand. It’s confusing, but works well for developing a screenplay!

Ta-ta for now!

1 – The Pen

How do you write anew? How do you continue to post after a long weekend of stuffing your face with turkey and cranberry sauce, to the point where, by holiday Monday you’re lost in a hazy misconstruction of football episodes, your daughter’s Super Monsters Halloween edition and extra pumpkin pie/pumpkin coffee cake streaming through your veins?

I drove into work this morning feeling like I took a 5 month mental hiatus and that it would take another 5 years to get back to where I was last Friday in terms of thought processes and drive. But this sobering feeling, is it better than the former? Which should I be chasing?

I finally arrived and tried my best to ignore CBC and Stephen Quinn. Parked and ready to nap, Daisy thought frustratedly, “If I don’t get to my desk, I will fall further and further away into this sluggish slump. It will impact the rest of my week in a very negative way. I can’t be doing it this way!”

Dang it. “It’s starting already,” quipped a voice on the radio, when suddenly two of them proclaimed, “I’m not ready to travel! Dang you, dang it, DANG YOU!”

Are YOU ready?

I’ve fallen! This will last for 2 hours, then the clock will stop ticking on October 21st. I only have so much time to regroup and reiterate my success using succinct words and a logical progression of content.

She’s gone again. Don’t worry, she will return!

Daisy looked upward, toward the roof and saw a glowing star leaning on its edge, skirts away from abandoning friends and arriving onto a dust covered pillow. Puffy like an oyster, she rolled over in bed, drawing her arms over her face and pushing down to feel that cozy, cold feeling she longed for throughout the day. Today was bright and sunny. Bold rays peered through large windows, allowing light to enter her Brooklyn studio apartment. The girl was ready for A Day, ready to do the job she did best – ‘social media marketing’ for an up-and-coming TED startup company in the SoHo district of Elevententeen.

Elevententeen was a designated area for a group of bright communications pupils. They had three things in common. One – they were all Bipolar Type 10. Two – they had recently quit ‘drinking’. And three – they lived with the intent to impact the digital landscape, as no previous humans could have done it before them.

Daisy grabbed her pillow and immediately clicked on Instagram. That nagging suspicion to see The Need fed her like a rich, decadent chocolate drink costing tons more than a third-hand Prada bag nabbed off Vestiaire (for Seventeen). She quickly clicked, but then something else happened. It did not open, she did not see the grace of her favorite celebrity and his infantry women. She just heard a sound, a long-drawn, slowly creeping vibration of ‘digital air’. The only thing she could think of was, “The content has become redundant however, I can see the validity in re-writing and re-working the same concept several times. That way it will not become null and void. The success that emerged from it originally will still be there. That’s editing!”

“It’s locked!”, “Were you able to get back in?”

No. So, I decide to just write. Write down your thoughts Chona, write them down and write them down again. Get back to your spot on the list, get back to you, this new you. But sadly, I have already developed a headache from the idea of it. Will she be able to leave the content as it is? Will she usurp the value of its flow by editing it down, editing it all out to make complacent sense? Can you back away and still smile and feel success? That is something Alice from Wonderland would say, “Things aren’t worth that much once you start editing out the originality Miss Chona Fe, but I think this is what you think then isn’t that the way?”

Chona looks inward at her periphery, flips her hair, then walks away.

A Wicked Rant

Hi everyone! We have the right to write and speak as we desire. This is a rant, have fun reading it!

I know. I have a lot of opinions and you may not like what you hear. I have a lot of creativity stirring up inside of me that you might find offensive. But you know what? I care.

We can define it. The artist’s grace. For example, look at the letters and sentences in this post, as if they were abstract soldiers from a symbolic world, marching along together or apart, in infinite permutations or combinations. They are terms and teams of ideas, but together, they have not yet been defined. Destinations are cut short, not by the words, but by the soldiers themselves. They have become controllers and they control everything, not just the outcome of the battle, but of the very meaning of what they are battling for. So, how many controllers do we need? And again, who is the controller on this team? Why is there a need for control? What? Why would the impact be the action? Would the sentences be marching? Heading towards…? Now do you see what I mean?

A slice of my day looks like this…

…just a slice…

🙂