This post is being published a couple of weeks late. It sides like a dialogue or script between my negative and positive conscience. It also questions the personality of reality and the role of work impacting everyday life. Have a read and let me know what you think!
I am you.
We are masterpieces at work.
A masterpiece is considered to be a work of outstanding artistry, skill, or workmanship. I am building something great in my brain, that might take 5-10 years to materialize, but for today…it is a matter of steps.
Step 1 – The Wait
This past year has been a period of unparalleled accomplishment and perseverance.
Step 2 – Past Reconciliation
Bell Bird / I walked away from my desk knowing it was over. And every time I returned, I resumed my role, but thought to myself quietly and strategically: 1 – you don’t allow me to be artistic or creative in a way that would generate an income; 2 – despite all my hard work and dedication, you haven’t allowed me to move forward or upward; and 3 – down to the date I left, you gave me the belief that I could achieve something bigger, better and huge.
Step 3 – Hiding
When I say there’s a solution, here’s why. My partner is the most realistic human being that has ever existed! He tells me; I should listen. Now, I’m trying to understand, again (in this moment of gratitude), WHY I have the NEED to reveal a few big secrets, but I won’t. I think it’s going to take a long while, you guys might as well grab some food.
Step 4 – Revelation
Chona: I am not realistic.
Daisy: I am the least realistic human being that has ever existed!
Chona Fe: I am so utterly unrealistic that I presume the world in a digital fashion and to me, it all makes sense.
Seventeen: And my unrealisticness bears unbreakable confidence and this leads me to believe that people already understand it, that other people exist in a digital fashion as well and that it is all working.
Steps, I said. Steps.
Step 5 – Fighting Back
Blox Bunny / Back at my desk, I am thinking again: when I left my former job, there was something inside of me that longed to escape. I was previously trapped in the mind of a realistic person! This does not satisfy me! I want it back! I belong in there. So, I started writing this blog and finally, I have a platform to voice my concerns, however all I want to do is write and that leads to my battle with time.
Young at heart.
Old in thought.
Step 6 – In the Past
It feels like more things have been given to me and I have spent a whole lot of time trying to decipher those things regularly. The pursuit seems futile. Is it? I experience true happiness when I am free to create, to express myself as I will. Just being is so strong.
Step 7 – Entrance
Chona begins to write feverishly on a notepad: the questions become – how does the audience receive these creations? But that is not a real question. The real question is, does it matter how they receive it? Wrong again. Once I release a creation into someone’s hands, or brain for that matter, is that it? Is that all that matters?
No, no, no!
Step 8 – The Return
We need to feel a reason to proceed with creating.
Step 9 – The End
I will get there, promise. And when all else fails, I did it for love and the beauty surrounding it.
A very dear friend of mine, Yenukwa Kombian, is the co-owner and facilitator of King of Hearts (a collective of men helping men). He shared a few quotes with me when I was feeling down and they really helped –
About struggling as an artist/entrepreneur
…being an artist/entrepreneur, grinding it out and never being recognized for your hard work. It talks a lot about giving up, letting go and even going into a dark hole that you feel stuck in. The line ‘Lose My Air’ is directly correlated with anxiety, and depression. Feeling overwhelmed and stuck in life. I think it’s so easy nowadays to compare ourselves to everyone around us, and that can be crippling. The one thing I have learned through all of this, is that everyone is on their own path, their own chapter of life and it’s extremely unfair to compare yourself to everyone around you. – Brandon Linkewich
Destroy the idea that you have to be constantly working or grinding in order to be successful. Embrace the concept that rest, recovery, and reflection are essential parts of the progress toward a successful and ultimately happy life.
About feeling behind in life
You’re not behind in life. There’s no schedule or timetable that we all must follow. It’s all made up. Wherever you are right now is exactly where you need to be. Seven billion people can’t do everything in exactly the same scheduled order. We are all different with a variety of needs and goals. Some get married early, some get married late, while others don’t get married at all. What is early? What is late? Compared with whom? Compared with what? Some want children, others don’t. Some want a career; others enjoy taking care of a house and children. Your life is not on anyone else’s schedule. Don’t beat yourself up for where you are right now. It’s YOUR timeline, not anyone else’s, and nothing is off schedule. – Emily Maroutian
And so, it should be said…
Has anything changed since last year? Are you more ahead of the game? Do I understand being HERE and NOW? Is there something standing in my way? Is it constructed or real? What is real anyway?
Revealing my true identity…
I think somewhere on this blog I talk about losing my identity, then regaining it. It just isn’t as easy as that. As an artist, you can create a wonderful masterpiece and use it to build yourself up. But when you are done, you have to start all over again and this is a problem. It’s a similar thing building a social media presence. You can really use what’s out there to help support your vision or you can get lost in the confusion of trying to fit in (or out) with a trillion other ‘things’, plus being an open book for everyone one to read. The role of work is to harness these conditions. To take the experience and quantify or qualify it. To have a goal and to accomplish it, then to move on to the next task. Bell provided me with this motion, it just lacked the artistic/creative portion. This past year I have learned how to objectify my work and I am ready to apply these skills.
Please bring your trays to a tray return station. We’ll take care of the sorting, recycling and trash. To lower our environmental impact, nearly 90% of waste in the IKEA stores is sent for recycling or used for energy production. And we’re working hard to get to 100%.
IKEA’s founder Ingvar Kamprad thought along these lines, “To do business with a clear conscience is an attitude that pays. We have to find more time for ourselves and to regain respect for the environment in which we live.”
I agree and what if the sign instead read –
Please bring your brains to a brain return station. We’ll take care of the sorting, recycling and trash. To lower our environmental impact, nearly 90% of waste in the BLOX stores is sent for recycling or used for energy production. And we’re working hard to get to 100%.
The idea that the brain requires an actual vacation – with pay – connotes the modern (we’ve been modern for much too long) notion of a retreat. The IKEA restaurant works just great.
Conclusion – Digital Detox Works
Leave your devices at the door and have a seat with us in our cafe, er…restaurant. You really have to plow deep to comprehend your body visiting versus your mind walking in. That is how I think. Typically the thoughts are in motion, in my head and do not leave it. Case in point, there’s power in environment, yet I am denied, time and time again.
Hyper Conclusion – The Drive of Your Mind
It is incessant. Must be more positive. Must be HERE and NOW. Must trust, believe, have faith and most importantly, love.
It causes turbulence. Must convert to renewable energy. Big breakfasts. Netflix. Naps. Running.
1 day left until Halloween!
Here’s a creative poem for your ears. Listen, don’t interpret. Let’s all take a break.
Do you think my life is perfect?
It’s not, it’s hard.
For all the time and energy I put into everything, and to have barely anything come back to me, that’s frightening.
It leaves me in a state of incredulity.
What did I do wrong?
Which turn didn’t work?
Can I move forward?
Everyone struggles with something, but we barely talk about it, because we’re supposed to be resilient, we’re supposed to be invincible to change.
How many more quotes do I need to read?
To feel strong?
To feel right?
To feel better?
What’s the difference these days?
And at the end of my scrutiny, I tell myself over and over again, it doesn’t matter.
Then what’s the point of it?
As long as you have family, she said. As long as you have friends, they rant.
But I’m tired.
Is it possible that my brain might explode?
Dreams splayed everywhere.
Still. Contribute. BE.